You're Just Not the Same Anymore

Still

Ben Folds

Over The Hedge soundtrack

http://www.benfolds.com/

I must give the impression

That I have the answers for everything

You were so disappointed

To see me unravel so easily

It's only change

It's only everything I know
It's only change, and I'm only changing

You want something that's constant

And I only wanted to be me

But watch even the stars above

Things that seem still are still changing

In the midst of all of our making and breaking relationships we all pull out the same old pathetic but truthful line about how things are just not the way they used to be and how the changes were for the worse. I don’t know exactly where it came from (Cavewoman said it to Caveman when he just couldn’t find the mammoths the same anymore). It’s almost universal probably because it relates to all of us. Hey now, don’t jump to those hypocrite related comments you are murmuring to yourself yet, I know… I too (unfortunately) have used those words to describe my feeling… it just seemed like the ideal moment and they were the perfect words to go with it. No matter how much change happens to us, we never can learn that it will just happen again (we just keep running into the cars parked outside our garage no matter how many times we have gotten into trouble doing so). Although you won’t listen to me and will find yourself shocked when your best friend slowly starts to fade, I will make it simple for you so read carefully: Change is inevitable and will happen (yes, even to you). Somewhere in our minds there is something telling us that if we express how we feel, they will go back to the way they used to be, they will not. How can we ask our friends (or prior friends) to change or undo the change they have gone through? Our personalities are not created over night; they progress over time due to our experiences. If I were to keep my friends from first grade my hobbies would be gathering leaves into a play “house” of some sort, making kittens out of paper bags, and running around the soccer field in hopes the boy I liked would want me for my aggressive athletic attitude (he paid more attention to the game and never passed the ball to me, probably because I never could kick it quite correctly). Why should we act like who we used to be when it’s not us anymore… for old times’ sake? It’s not just others that have changed, we all have (some more drastically than others still prevalent to everyone) and reminiscing on the past will not change anything so make new friends that tend to your personality now and you can expect things to change eventually. To all that didn't read this: good luck with your search for a completely constant person (not real).

"Cars Hurt" (Tim Nixon, speech #5323)

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for. – Epicurus

I always find myself writing about the things on those “encouraging” posters found on every Liberty class room wall. “Your future starts now” or “Make your dreams come true!”, a more astatically pleasing way to portray the most fundamental life lessons. Although you will not find this on any poster because of its less than vigorous objective, I’m sure you have all heard it before but in some sort of context like “be happy with what you have”, it is much more complicated than that. I used (Past-tense) to run cross country, by all means I was not varsity but I did have some sort of strategy I used during races. At the crack of the gun (which is quite possibly the most repulsive sound I have ever heard) I would “start out fast but not too fast, start out slow but not too slow” (Nixon, speech #3492), in other words, I would try and find a good place somewhere within the front half of the pushing, shoving, spiking, crowd. By the next fourth of a mile I would have found my pace for the race and stick to it until mile 3. Mile 3 was the most difficult, but because I had stayed at a constant speed during the prior 2 miles I was in a bit more shape than the other girls I was around (the third mile is not for the faint of heart to run or watch, most are on the verge of collapse or explosion) I could speed up the slightest bit and pass at least 10 girls. Life is like a race (life can be like just about anything). We have been taught since we were young that we need to be always striving for something better, we need to be running every mile like it’s the third. Let me tell you, that third mile cannot be run as effectively if mile 1 and 2 are not constant. Although ambition and dissatisfaction are necessary, there are times when contentment is also very important.

If thou covetest riches, ask not but for contentment, which is an immense treasure. –Gulistan

Edit; Undo

A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he ways yesterday. -Jonathan Swift

I have been driving for a year and I have never had any problems. No tickets no accidents, one time I hit the side of my garage costing me one of my mirrors but my dad could fix that one. Last Saturday while I was coming out of the garage, I hit my mom’s car… hard. My wheels were out of alignment and there were some sort of plastic/metal/cord hanging from my mangled mirror (the one I didn’t take off before). I gave my mother’s car a nice dent (for personality) and a long scratch to go with it. That is a $500 deductible. Four days later, I (and a cop) found myself speeding in a school zone (that’s 50 dollars on top of the original ticket cost). $150 speeding ticket which was probably long overdue. So this morning I was leaving for school in my mom’s car, because mine is getting fixed, and I hit my dad’s truck. Wow, that deserves a recap; I hit my mom’s car with my car, hit my dad’s car with my mom’s car, and got an expensive speeding ticket all in one week. How does that happen? Now, I am sure there is a way to make this into some sort of really meaningful metaphor but I will leave that up to your own creativity. Although I am in quite a bit of debt (my pride is in so much pain that I will not reject donations and that was a joke, maybe if I hit my house in the next few days), I will always look behind me before backing up. Regret is the most excruciating, pointless feeling. As cliche as that sounds, we learn through mistakes and they are a part of life. Too much time is spent pondering what we could have done or what we could have said that we miss out on a lot of time we could have to improve. What I am really saying is never back up without checking all angles for other cars or objects.

Dear Moms and Pops

This was not in any way justification for my many small catastrophes. I fully understand the magnitude of my actions (or actions that did not take place such as looking diagonal from my car... twice).

Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error. -Cicero

Unconscious Imitation

Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth. –Erich Fromm

At times my life is a soap opera, but I'm not acting. It’s kind of like one of those out of body experiences (thanks to 8th grade health I always associate those with date rape drugs) I watch myself in the most stereotypical dilemma listening to the most stereotypical dialog. I partially hope you don't believe me because it is about the most pathetic thing I have ever heard but unfortunately it is true. Some situations and conversations have left me in awe of a person’s capability to converse and act with such predictability. I notice that our responses are often a product of something we have seen in a movie (or multiple movies that have the slightly altered wording). We pick the fictional character we would like to be and when a situation comes up we can't help but ask ourselves what would he/she do? Because of the process of learning, it’s nearly impossible to live in this society of media without unconsciously imitating the people we have seen and the replies we have heard. Soon enough we are laughing and making jokes about things we would not have originally found humorous but the majority does. True originality is difficult to come across and the seldom times it does, someone else is right behind them to take it as their own until no one really knows who the creator actually was. In the book I am reading, it pushes you to shift your thinking into the most “effective” form of thought process. While I understand this and think it could be purposeful I can not help but think of everyone one else that has read it before me. If I were to take these principles to the extreme, my individuality would be stripped from me and I am left wondering how I could buy into someone else’s way to respond to life. The truth is we are not in a movie, we are not acting and there is no "right" way to respond except your own. We are not supposed to be anything but who we actually are, unfortunately few know exactly who is under all of the imitations and most are unable to grasp the reality of those standard responses that have been burned into our minds.

We start out so open and spontaneous. We're real individuals. Then somewhere along the way we're drawn to conform. It's as if we're conditioned by programmed responses but sometimes you can alter the programmed response just by changing some of the conditions, altering the parameters. - from the movie Patch Adams

Step 1

For some reason, this is probably the most difficult time I have ever had thinking of some sort of clever witty introduction. I have been sitting in front of this computer writing sentence after sentence just to delete every one, occasionally trying to fix my “n” key that seems to have an undetermined, unreachable, small object under it. To save myself from missing this “unforgettable” One Tree Hill episode (that was partially sarcasm) I’m going to make it simple. I cannot always portray my thoughts as well as I would like, sometimes I realize how ridiculous I must have just sounded and wished whoever I was talking to knew what I was actually thinking. While I listen to music I often find those undiscovered words in lyrics and books when other people expose my thoughts so beautifully that I cannot think of any other way to say them. This blog is simple, others provide the terminology and I will comment, maybe a little more, on what they say.

In Other Words
Ben Kweller

Sha Sha

Another night slips away In other words I should say There are no words he should say There are no words

In his eyes I see the fear That only time could disappear If only time could re-appear Now's the time

Something to take it away to take it away to take it
Don't let it stay don't let it stay don't let it

The butterflies are passive aggressive and put their problems on the shelf but they're beautiful He'll realize the only thing that’s real are the kids that kid themselves and the demise of the beautiful What is beautiful?

The multi-life is better than the one we're in the one we knew Cause everyone is seeing through everyone They're stepping' on his gold terrain He's moving' on with bold refrain His blatantly old campaign Is moving' on

What can't stay goes away It starts stopping when it stops stopping